FOREST HILLS, MASTER DEBATER, WEIGHS-IN ON PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE NO. 3

Sure hope you all enjoyed watching those two grown men get mad at each other on TV last night as much as the people here at Mama’s Boarding House did. Mama says she bets they are both mighty proud of themselves for standing up to one another like men do and showing us they have penises and testicles and tender feelings for female body parts and stuff like that. Mama said they sure looked macho in High Definition wearing all that heavy make-up and dressed like a couple of pit-bosses in a casino run by Native Americans. Louise said she was hoping the African American man would spit on the Mormon Man’s funny looking shoes after some of the remarks he made about a whole lot of stuff I knew nothing about until I heard people talking about it afterwards on the news show that made Lieutenant Dan yell and cuss and throw a whiskey bottle at Mamma’s new flat screen television set. Sure wish that referee lady who looked like she ate a really big box of chocolates was at Mama’s house to stop the argument between them afterwards; but Louise and Mama weren’t too mad about having to clean up the mess Lieutenant Dan made seeing as how he doesn’t have any legs cause he lost them fighting for our country, and all that.

Mama said the two men fighting on the television talk a lot about how much help women need with all of their chores and keeping their vagina’s clean and their uteri baby-free and stuff like that. Now I think that’s funny ’cause I see my mama and Louise doing just fine running the boarding house and keeping all the beds made and the bathrooms clean and feeding everybody and still having time for me and Little Forest and feminine hygiene products and this is all while my daddy’s still on vacation. So I said that maybe these men should come here and see how my Mama and Louise can do all that stuff without a man’s help and how maybe it’s time for a lady president and a lady vice president but Mama said “NO” and that all women should feel honored they now have two such fine gentlemen fighting over looking after their vaginas and uteri. And when I asked Mama why women can’t look after their own vagina’s and uteri because I look after my own penis and testicles all the time and for that matter I really enjoy it and I actually prefer it when nobody else is around, Mama said it’s because everybody knows women can’t look after their own private parts as well as a man can so that’s why they need asshole politicians to look after ’em for them. And then Mama and Louise and even Lieutenant Dan started rolling on the floor laughing, and when I asked why they were all acting like a bunch of hyena’s, Mama said it was because they were feeling facetious. I told them they all might be getting a cough due to cold.