FROZEN BORSCHT SALON

ByGary De Mattei February 9, 2013July 12, 2015

Yesterday I heard a man say something in Russian to his children. I imagine he was referencing the storm we were walking through as compared to winters in his native cheery Siberi-a. Probably went something like, “Why, when I was young we didn’t have clothes, we had to wear the snow to keep us warm!” How do they push their strollers filled with plastic bags through a blizzard? Plastic bags and kids. Walk. Trudge. Drag. I’ve never seen anyone so pale. Dark circles on his dark circles. Oh, wait, that’s me I’m looking at in the stylist’s mirror. Pale. Drawn. Gray. Until she finishes cutting my hair and then…she must step on a button or something because all of a sudden when she’s through I look new. Tan, even. Like when the butcher switches on the pink light in his refrigerated display case so the old rotting flesh he can’t move looks fresh and new again. You know what sounds fun? Vitamin D. And a train bound for the sun.

Stories

NOTES ON DIRECTING by Gary De Mattei

ByGary De Mattei January 27, 2024January 27, 2024

During the summer of 2022, I directed and choreographed two shows (at once) for the Lyric Theatre of San Jose. Here are my “Notes on Directing” published in The Patter Post, the newsletter of Lyric Theatre, the performing arm of the Gilbert and Sullivan Society of San Jose. THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE (PHOTO: The Stanley…

Stories

HELL’S KITCHEN

ByGary De Mattei June 6, 2019November 23, 2019

When you grow up Catholic, it’s the religion textbook illustrators who should get all the credit for giving you the image of their God. Not Jesus, not the Holy Ghost, but “The Father” as He is called when making the sign of the cross. I’m no longer Catholic, I’m not religious. I believe in a…

Stories | Writing

HAPPY SAINT GENESIUS DAY

ByGary De Mattei August 23, 2011September 1, 2016

THERE ARE BIG TALL TERRIBLE AWESOME SCARY WONDERFUL GIANTS ON THE STAGE “I, Rooster John Byron, hereby place a curse Upon the Kennet and Avon Council, May they wander the land for ever, Never sleep twice in the same bed, Never drink water from the same well, And never cross the same river twice in…

Nuts And Chews | Writing

WILLY GROWS UP

Bygdemattei April 4, 2012July 12, 2015

If Death of a Salesman in 2012 tells us anything it tells us Willy Loman had an amazing life by today’s standards. For starters, he had a three story house in Brooklyn with a yard big enough for his two dumb sons to run around and play football. Hello? Do you know how much a…

Stories

The Sock Whisperer

ByGary De Mattei August 20, 2015

This is about Rio, the dog on the left. While in California I ran five miles every day. I didn’t bring enough running socks so I bought several new pair at Marshall’s; they come in a bag in a variety of colors; they go up to your ankles; ankle socks; Puma. I am very fond…

Stories

Everything I Needed To Know About Sex I Learned From My Auntie Mame

ByGary De Mattei April 7, 2016November 6, 2019

I’m not religious. I attended Catholic school from first through third grades. The picture of God on the classroom wall was a caricature of an old white man with a white beard who resembled an Al Hirschfeld self-portrait. The picture opposite Him was of His Son, Jesus. The picture of Jesus looked a lot like…

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